Steps

Sometimes life can be a slow ride. Everyday seems to drag by with no purpose. A lack of motivation and need to accomplish things. Atleast for me personally, I am constantly looking at the future. What things will be like, who will be around and what I believe should be the way it goes. What the “perfect” life should be. I enjoy planning things backwards and forwards. Knowing every detail of everyday. I think God gets a kick out of how we think we know best. 🙂

Its hard to trust that His out come will be better than what i could make. But it is ALWAYS better His way. That lesson is a hard one to learn and I feel like I learn it over and over again. In my “perfect” plan i would graduate from college get married by 22 and kids by 24. I can image every detail of the future, the “perfect” husband,house, children, ect.

One time a couple of years ago I was explaining to an older friend how i imagined my life going for the next 10 years. Almost like playing the game of life but much more detailed. (i like details :)) As I got done explaining my friend looked at me and smiled then burst into laughter. I was confused, I thought we were having a serious moment. Explaining all my thoughts and dreams in life. Then through her laughter she said “Thats cute, but God has bigger plans for you than that. You don’t just plan out your life, thats not the way it works. You might think it does but it doesn’t.”

Discouraged and frustrated I ignored the comments. I was upset that someone else thought they knew more about my life than I do.But over the next few weeks I really started to feel the holy spirit bring her words back to my heart. I started praying over my future instead of planning it 24/7. My worries about my perfect plan started to fade away. That worry turned to excitement and thankfulness about what was to come. I know now that my future won’t be exactly how i want or image it. It will be so much better and bring so much more joy than i could ever plan.

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Dear the boy I didn’t need

Dear the boy i didn’t need,

With your charm and whit, you don’t make it difficult to like you. Wether you knew it or not you could get almost any girl you wanted. You had a kind eyes and a warm smile. As the time passed the more i felt myself falling for that charm. Every girl around you in awe of you. As much as I fought it, you were still there. In the back of my mind.

But this is not to talk about how I think your a terrible person or how you ruined relationships for me. It is actually more of a thank you.

 

thank you for reminding me of where my heart belonged.

thank you for reminding me of the only boy I need.

thank you for giving me the confidence boost i needed in my relationship with my savior.

thank you for teaching me that boys can be kind.

thank you for pushing me back to where i needed to be.

thank you for teaching me that God has better plans for me.

Thank you for coming in like a much needed storm. Moving everything around in destruction just to help me realize it wasn’t organized to start with. My relationship with my savior wasn’t where it should of been and the ache in my heart reminded me of the unfailing love I already have! Your storm of charm showed me that what the world has to offer is nothing in comparison to the promises I have in Christ. As my heart and mind fight with each other, my savior is there in the middle of the storm ready to catch me when I fall. You aren’t a bad person, honestly it me who caused my heart ache, I allowed myself to fall for something that wasn’t right for me. My grief of loneliness drew me farther from Christ and closer to you. Grief that should have had me running into my savior’s arms faster than ever. But instead I ran into the idea of you. The idea that a boy who calls me pretty is better than a father with unending grace.  It was a grief that I couldn’t fix. So thank you for reminding me that my savior is the only one that can guide me through grief and loneliness. Thank you to the boy I didn’t need.

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”  Psalm 143:8